XARABANK – PLUNGING TO THE DEPTHS OF BAD TASTE No sex please – we’re Maltese!

There are two issues that highly perplex me.

The first is how is it possible that a programme like “Xarabank” has been allowed to continue to be transmitted by the National Broadcasting Channel?

The second is how do people like the President, the Prime Minister, the Leader of the Opposition and an endless battery of politicians and personalities – including the Archbishop - agree to actually take part in the programme? Do they crave the publicity so much – surely not? Are they cagey of being criticized for saying “no – no way”? Surely not – they are criticized for almost everything else! Are they so anxious to be considered as “trendy” and “going with the flow” – that would certainly be tragic!

I have not seen an episode since the new series began but while musing over one or two things last Saturday morning, on came a repeat of the programme. It dealt with sex. How adventurous, how “trendy”!

The subjects discussed were things I knew about as a 12-year-old schoolboy in London. These were things we smirked and joked about – but that of course was 62 years ago! Now, they have reached Xarabank!

What are the consequences of “swinging”? Is sex better in the dark than in the light? Let’s go into a sex shop – my, how adventurous … breaking news!

And of course, on came Peppi dressed as if he has just come in from cleaning out the pig sty to emphasise he is “a man of the people”, just an “ordinary man”, just “one of the blokes”. As a presenter he is shabbily dressed and appears ill-kempt and ill-groomed.

Is he losing his libido – getting old? The youngster Mark Zammit seems to be handling the lion’s share of the programme.

Of course, there is always the usual panel of experts, a panel of odds and bits; impressive how they know everything about everything there is to know and giving us the wisdom of their advice.

One thing I really have to take up. One statement was did we know that dildos were popular in prehistoric times?

Now that is ignorance at its extreme. In prehistoric times man believed in stone phallic symbols, symbolic icons of manhood, leadership and of course the male organ representing the survival of the fittest by originating seed to create new life.

These were certainly NOT dildos and would have proved highly discomforting to stuff a cold lump of stone into … well, wherever you want to stuff it!

Wishing all a good Sunday!

ALBERT JEROME FENECH